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BREATHE!

1/30/2016

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One person cannot possibly handle such a life on their own!

Have you ever felt like there's such a heavy weight on your chest that you can only take shallow breaths? Or like you were doing a balancing act as things are piling high on either side of your balancing pole? THAT'S how I have been feeling lately!

This is not meant to be a vent of all that is going wrong in my life. Nor is it supposed to be a list of complaints.  I simply want to express the very real realities of moms.  Especially single mom's.

My children are amazing! We are truly blessed to be where we are financially, school-wise, my job, our home, our church family, and even other God-given opportunities!

Yet I am extremely overwhelmed!  I cannot get motivated to KEEP my house in order. That adds a HUGE stress to my life!  I don't have the time to help my children with school stuff because of my work schedule.  Maybe that sounds like an excuse, but I mean that I cannot help them maintain their grades and make sure they are getting all their work done on time.  I find myself too exhausted to even have fun anymore. 

Now, I am positive that if you were to sit down with me and write up a weekly schedule with me, we would find time for it all... on paper.  It's my mind that is so cluttered, though.  I need a mental break! That's on me, I know. My brain is constantly over stimulated.  I'm the kind of person that needs to be reminded to breath... to drink water... to eat. Of course I get that those things are all important!  I set deadlines for myself for so many things I know I have to do, and then completely become consumed by it all.  I feel like I have to do these things because, honestly, who else is going to?

The family unit, in it's entirety, is so valuable!  It's truly a shame that it all falls apart so often.  It's a shame that parents will not value their relationship so that the family can thrive.  It's a shame that we become so selfish that we can only see what the other half is or is not doing and then proceed to blame them for the family unraveling.  It's ALL such a shame!  That a marriage would get to a point of being unhealthy to remain and healthy to divide!  It's so ass-backwards! But it happens... and life becomes this.

Absolutely, there are many joys still....in my case, even more so!  But nobody can ignore the fact that our family is broken.  A broken family is forced to live as amputees.  The thing is, had we kept the limb that developed disease and infection, we'd live a painful life, managing to continue to function. But at least we'd still have all our parts. The thing about that, it would have eventually taken over the entire body and killed it.  I suppose this is the healing process.  It's frustrating and painful.  It's necessary to go through a sort of physical therapy and rehab.  Unfortunately, the trauma caused by such thing tends to make us stubborn in our strive for independence. We don't ask for help because we feel we "need to learn to do it ourselves". That's what I have been stuck in.  I know it's a wrong mindset to have.  It's become such a habit for me, though.  I don't like that it has.

Believe me, I never WANTED to be a single mom.  I wanted to stay married and heal within.  It wasn't an option.  The way I feel overwhelmed now, I have felt this way during my marriage.  I even checked myself into the Behavioral Center a couple times!  I felt like I was completely losing my mind!  So, that said, I can't even say I miss what I had.  Not to bash my ex.  I'm only saying I was always feeling alone in parenting. 

I should stop right now. In fact, the only reason I'm posting this entry is for those who can relate, but feel ashamed to admit it.  I still aim to inspire you... even in my own weakest moments.  I encourage you to cry out to Jesus, always.  Let Him comfort you and listen to Him in your moments of weakness.  I know it's hard, and you want something more tangible in those moments.  I do, too!  But, knowing His character, leaning into Him will ALWAYS bring you peace.  He chooses, often times, to encourage us through others.  Which means that you have to fight the urge of isolation.  You have to allow yourself to be vulnerable with the people who care for you.  You have to allow yourself to ask for help! Help with cleaning your house.  Help with grocery shopping.  Help with taking the kids for a day.  Just ask.  Because your loved ones WANT to help.  It's a way to express love.  You know, I really am trying to pump myself up enough to ask my loved ones for help.  I hope this is helping you, too!

In closing, I challenge you to ask someone to help you with something. I take my own challenge to do so.  And I will let you know how it goes! I would love to hear your stories and any encouragement!

Much Love,
Rach

3 Comments

Spirit, Lead Me..

1/10/2016

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He has called me from the shore into deep waters...
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Courage

1/10/2016

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This is no cowardly Lion... Nor am I.
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How He sees me!

1/10/2016

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This is the first painting I've painted of a vision the Lord had given me a while back. The little girl is me, how I feel and see myself. The angelic being is how He sees me! It's my very spirit bursting out of me!

By the way, feathers are a CONSTANT theme in my visions and paintings. I don't just paint them because I like to. They represent so much to me of who I am... I'm still trying to figure it all out. Also, the color blue.
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Perfect Love Casts Out Fear!

1/10/2016

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Representation ( to me):

I am the red bird. Holy Spirit is the blue bird, my helper, trying to catch my gaze.  The purple bird is Jesus, as He is Royal.  The gold around is the very presence of my Papa Love ( God ). The left corner looks to be Earth, as the right seems to be God's Heavenly fire! The fire beneath me is to ignite my spirit.
The red on the bellies/heart of the birds, and in the gold, represent the blood that was shed to cover my sins. The fact that I am red is proof that His blood has truly covered me!
Jesus is showing me that I must spread my wings. Fear is going to break off me and I am being sent to show the World the LIFE that is in the blood!

What does this painting speak to you?
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Scribe

1/10/2016

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This painting is perfect for any writer! When I painted this I truly had no clue what it was to be until it was completed!

   "The words you write by My divine leading, that dance so elegantly to the melody I move your soul to, are as seeds which fall upon the soil of the hearts whom I have prepared to spring forth new LIFE!
Eternally yours, Papa Love "
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Inspiration

1/10/2016

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2 Comments

SOZO

1/10/2016

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SOZO is Greek, meaning Saved, Healed. Delivered.

This painting has such deep meaning to me. This is my heart. The whirlwind at the bottom represents the meaning of," I love you from the bottom of my heart!" It's how I long to be loved because it's how I love. Papa Love ( God ) was showing me that He loves me in such a way.  The barbed wire just above it I put up after years of abuse of my love and deep, shocking pain- hence the lightning bolt. Unfortunately, anyone who tried to love me the way I longed, I end up hurting. He placed a golden lock over it as a way to show me that once I learn to allow Him to be all I long for, He will be the one to unlock it and I will safely love with such passion again...and be loved.  The cracks all over are deep wounds, which He is healing and bringing forth new life...this is the word of my testimony.  the barred window and boards are self explanatory. The arrow shows the fickleness of my heart. On it says , "Welcome" yet it is aimed at a very unwelcoming area.  The colors all around promise healing to my heart and a sense of thriving!

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    Author:         Rachel

    Welcome! I'm just a single mommy determined to turn my dreams into a reality for the people I adore! I'm passionate in every way. There's never a dull moment in any day, and I wouldn't have it any other way!...Haha... I KNOW some of you rapped that! See I do things like that ALL the time, unintentionally... Please, enjoy your read... I promise to have you laughing, crying, and inspired !
    ~ Rach

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