Write them... Sing them... Paint them
Or they'll drive you crazy !
Racing thoughts are dancing words
Write them... Sing them... Paint them
Or they'll drive you crazy !
Sorry it's been a few days since I last posted anything. As I'm sure you could imagine, I get quite busy. I want to be sure my kids know they are my first choice.
In fact, can we speak on that for a moment? I just want to have a real, raw, mommy confession time. I know my writing sometimes makes me seem like I am an obvious good mommy. That I am constantly dancing through fields of wild flowers with my children! Painting pictures and baking cookies to no end! But, I'm not. Yes, my love for my family paints an accurate picture, but real life hits...and I lose my temper too quickly, too often.
The things I write about are intended to encourage you and lift your spirit! However, much of what I write should do the same for me. I assure you, the things I write are rarely premeditated. I log on here with an idea of what I would like to write about, but soon discover that the Lord has a different plan. My writings are inspired and driven by the Holy Spirit! I don't claim this boastfully. I just want you to know my heart. He has given me multiple visions and spoken through many different people about my writing. He has called me Scribe. This is only a step in the direction of a brand new season for me. My own healing comes through the writing I do. And, I truly believe, God will do amazing things in the lives of my readers because of my lack of hesitation to write as He moves me to. So, in all blessing that comes to you through my writings, all glory be to God!
Back to my temper... I find myself ashamed of it. My kids know I love them, no doubt. But, in any ordinary day, the stresses build up. Z is hovering over Cal nagging him to stop sucking his fingers! Lu is tattling on Saiah for hitting her, only to find out she threw a shoe at his face first. Homework isn't getting done. As I'm cooking, I hear blood curdling screams coming from the bathroom because everyone wants to go first! More tattles all throughout the day. Saiah caught in lies, and he will never admit it - EVER. Something is always someone else's fault... Nobody takes responsibility for anything wrong they've done. It's always because someone else did it first. WOULD SOMEONE JUST CLEAN UP??!! But how could I possibly expect them to clean when I, myself, struggle to keep things clean? I am ready to pull my hair out more often than not!
I live in a 2 bedroom apartment. The 3 boys share a room. I share a room with Lu. In fact, we're bunk mates. I can't even go into the bathroom to get some peace and quiet! By the way, the most stressful time for me is when I take a shower. I lock the door and turn my music way up, in hopes it'll drown their voices out for 10 minutes! PLEASE JESUS! To no avail, though. I get all the regular stresses amplified! I spend 8 out of 10 minutes yelling in the shower because I can't understand their complaints! I have literally cried in the shower at times because I can't get some peace and quiet. Can you imagine.... worship music blasting in the bathroom... I'm singing along... and yelling like a mad woman all in the same breath?! True story. I feel guilty for my behavior a lot. I have to remind myself that I'm human and I can only take so much! It doesn't make me a bad mom. It doesn't make me an enemy of God. It doesn't make me fake as I'm trying to speak truth and love into people's lives. I guess, you can say, it makes me more relatable.
People, this momma needs prayer! Constantly! I need a mental break sometimes. And not just from my kids, but from the routine of life! I crave alone time! I feel like they're Jesus dates! I can just be with Him and He fills me up again. And, you know what? My family needs me to have that time, too. They don't want to live with Momzilla!
I am thankful for God's grace. I am thankful that He covers me in my moments of weakness. I am thankful that He is actively working in my children's hearts and allowing them to have empathy and understanding concerning the hard times. I am thankful that He gives me the courage to swallow my pride and ask my children for forgiveness. Relationships take effort from all parties. I can't carry the burden and unrealistic expectation of meeting everyone's needs and holding everything together and not breaking! I need to receive help from the people God places in my life who desire to help. It's SO hard! I can't lie. In my flesh, I still feel like I should be able to handle it all. It's such a sinful and selfish way to be, though. Independence is an empowering feeling! But, you know what? We weren't created to be independent. We were created for relationship. That's co-laboring, my friends. It's hard to let go of, especially when you've only had it for a short period. But it's not healthy for you and your loved ones.
Please know this, truly hear me on this... I would never judge or speak against another's lifestyle and struggles if I had not been through it and saved from it! I will be reading back on these posts as a reminder for myself. I don't view myself as wiser and above others. I simply share the things which Holy Spirit encourages me with.
Fellow readers, friends, family... be encouraged! Lift your head to the One who loves you and will never forsake you! Count your blessings in times of hardship. And know that there is always a reason for each season in your life! You will only gain strength and understanding through the endurance. Have a truly blessed week! I pray joy and peace that surpasses all understanding over you all! I'll write to you soon!
I have learned that you are never too old for Sunday school lessons. No matter the age group. If you're teaching or sitting in a Sunday school class with your child, go in ready to receive!
As my children were younger they enjoyed watching Veggie Tales. I have felt conviction while watching those with my children. I think the reason why is because I am always going to be a child of God, and He is always going to teach me through whatever He so chooses.
I had the privilege to teach 8 - 11 year olds this last Sunday! I knew exactly what I wanted to teach on immediately when I had signed up for it. I desperately want children to know their value in Christ! I want them to know that they are unique and have gifts which God had put inside them from the very beginning! Everybody has a purpose, and we aren't to want to be like everyone else. What I had done for them was create a TRUTH journal. I was careful to make them each unique in design. I gave them a red pen to write in it. Why red? Because, in the Bible, whenever Jesus spoke, it was in red. This journal is going to be filled with the TRUTH God speaks, and has spoken, of who we are! I won't go into the details of the full lesson, unless you ask me to. :)
However, I want to share with you just why this topic stirs such passion within me.
When I was around the age of 8, I struggled to find my identity. I struggled to see my value. Being the youngest of four, I constantly compared myself to everyone. The things that are irritating to people, the things that impress people. I observed. Of course, I can only share my perspective. My siblings will tell you otherwise, I'm sure.
My sister, the oldest, is the one that set the bar high when it came to intellect and responsibility. I knew I could never reach that. I couldn't even keep my room clean!... I still can't! But that's a whole other story. I also couldn't read and study and retain so much information. The very thought of it all overwhelmed me!
Take note: I had formed the thought that I would never measure up and be taken seriously because I lacked her abilities.
Moving on to my oldest brother... what I noticed about him was that he was so independent. He seemed to not really be bothered by what other people thought of him. Sure, he went through difficult phases, but he really protected me from seeing most of those phases. He was, and still is, a generous brother to me. I always felt safe with him. I don't ever remember fighting with him. Yet, he did get in trouble a lot. So, seeing him, I felt that being yourself is harder and less acceptable. Unless you are a piece of perfection.
Please, keep in mind that these are all perceptions as a child. Of course, now, I can understand the growing process is not an easy one and correction and discipline are a must! But, as a child, I did not have that reasoning. And, therefore, my mind and behavior was molded by my experiences and observations.
Now, my other brother, closest to me in age... to him I was that bratty little sister. To me, he was a vicious instigator. He would constantly do things to upset me. And, when I'd cry, he'd laugh at me. I thought he was pure evil! He would tell me I was adopted. I rarely remember getting along with him, as kids. We are fine, now. And I absolutely love him! Back in the day, though, it was tough. I felt bullied. I felt abused. Now, take note of this: The negative attention tends to outweigh the positive. We are more inclined to believe the bad things about us rather then the good.
I won't go on to describe every relationship I've ever had and how it affected me. I know, you may be surprised by that. ;)
I have been trying to unlearn twisted views I have carried with me since childhood. I believed so many lies about myself and where my value lies. I became drawn to unhealthy relationships because of it. I went through horrible depression. And so much more!
Who's really to blame? Our battle is not with flesh and blood. The easiest way for the enemy to attack us is through our thoughts. It's really that simple.
So, it's hard to teach on something that hasn't had a major effect on you personally. I want to do all I can to pull the vale from these precious children's eyes! I want to not only expose the enemy and his tactics, but I want to help equip them and stand by them in battle against the enemy! How do you battle lies? With truth!
We must edify one another in Christ! Children have specific functions in the body of Christ, too. And they are even more of a threat than us adults, I believe! Imagine if we all, young and old, walked in the authority of Christ! It's time! And our children learn by example. Let us be imitators of Crist so that we teach our children to do so as well. If you aren't pouring into your child truth and love, you better believe someone else is pouring in the garbage and lies. I understand we fail as parents everyday. I know I do. But it's never a wrong moment to turn it around and love on your child! It may take a handful of pride pills to swallow, but it will make for a healthier relationship - I promise!
I challenge you, today, to go out of your way to love someone you have been struggling with recently. Because love conquers all!
I would just like to take a moment to give you the opportunity to meet the family. While I intend to protect the most delicate parts of me - my children - I am aware that my readers need to be able to connect in a personal way in order to stay engaged. Plus, I cannot keep referring to my children as the oldest, second oldest, youngest, second youngest. I would like to refer to them based on their personality at times so that you can say, "Oh, yes, that goofball Saiah!" immediately followed by a belly laugh! That's the kind of connection I desire for you.
So, let me begin, youngest to oldest, because ladies are ALWAYS first! ;)
This is Lu . . .
My 6 year old ball of sunshine! She's the face of my page! Well, partially. She is a firecracker! She is full of joy and compassion! She is quite sensitive. She will cry to me tattling on her brothers for calling her dramatic, to which I politely point out to her that she is crying to me as she is saying it. It's quite comical.. I have to refrain from laughing at her cuteness. She embarrasses easily. Lu has no problem playing rough and getting her older brothers in arm bars, and such! Yet, she is a total girly girl. She wants to be a Princess when she grows up! She loves to pray, paint, make up songs to sing, and help me cook And she LOVES animals!
This is Cal . . .
He's my 7 year old. He's a smart cookie! The type of kid that is naturally good at anything he sets his mind to. I'm amazed by his intellect for his age! He loves Jesus and wants everyone to know it! He's a gentleman at heart. He loves music, puzzles, sports, and cuddling. He also loves animals and babies. Babies light up when he talks to them! It's amazing to watch. He has a huge heart! Aaaaannnd he's quite the stubborn fella. Not to say that's a bad quality, so long as it's for the right reasons.
This is Saiah . . .
He's my 9 year old. He is the most considerate little man, when it comes to helping Mom. He struggles a little bit with the whole "ladies first" concept. It's not fair to him. But he'll get a hang of it. He has a huge heart for the lost, the hurt, the lonely. He will pray for people all around the world to come to know Jesus! He has a huge call on his life, no doubt! I recognize it by the amount of attack on his mind that he is under. He and I butt heads quite often... because we are so alike. I look at him and see me at his age, it's crazy! Any of you relate? Saiah loves to be the center of attention! To make people laugh constantly! He is a gifted writer. Loves to draw. He loves football and is a natural in the athletics. He has mad breakdance skills ;) He loves Disney movies! Is slightly obsessed with Olaf. And he has the absolute cutest dimples! ;)
This is Z . . .
He's my 10 year old. This boy is an old soul. He is wise beyond his years! He's responsible, mostly. He's quirky, and I love it! Sometimes his OCD tendencies drive me crazy, but I'm nobody to really complain. He's intentional in the things he does. To him, there's always a reason for what he's doing. It's either to make someone feel good or, sometimes, bad. He loves to build things, create things, invent things. He will pick up a torn plastic bag off the ground and see it's great potential! I may not, but I love that he is able to. However, there is a difference between garbage and ...something worth keeping! If I left it up to him he would have cardboard box homes in his room with that plastic bag attached to a stick as a flag. Anyway, I love his creativity! Z cares deeply for people. He has amazing discernment. He is prophetic. He loves to pray. He loves art, music, reading, and Doctor Who.
As for me, I've shared much previously. Plus, you will only continue to know me better with each post you read. My kids are all expressions of me, really. Like Lu, I am joyful, sensitive, and a bit dramatic. Like Cal, I am not ashamed by my love for Jesus, and I am also very stubborn. Like Saiah, well... aside from having mad dance skills and being athletic, we are one in the same. Like Z, I am inspired by all that is around me. I love creating things and I try to live with intention.
Now that I have introduced you to my Family, I truly hope I have only added more depth to your reading experience on my site.
Please, feel free to leave comments, share your own fun experiences as a parent or family member. Hearing from you lets me know you're enjoying your read. It's great encouragement to me! And very much appreciated! :)
Have an amazing day! Be aware of your surroundings... there's inspiration all around you! Don't let it go to waste! It's God's way of inviting you to create something wonderful with Him!
There's a Bug pestering my blog! Not only mine, but most newbies! For fear of losing another inspiring post, I'm going to work on keeping my work safe and my posts short for the time being. I want to stay active so I'm not forgotten! I'm told Weebly is working on the issue. I got this. I'm not going to let this little hiccup keep me from doing what I love! Be patient guys, and keep an eye out for me! ;)
My Mother's love is one of fierce fire
which ignites passion for life within the heart of her children
Her words of wisdom are as whirling winds that cannot be tamed
She is crowned with Joy which she sings over her daughters and sons
She is a mountain which God's glory has adorned with every precious gift
All who see her are captivated by her
( Rewrite of " You're a Good Mommy!)
Ok, I'm going to give this another shot... I was SO disappointed to have lost this post immediately after publishing it! I pray it's just as encouraging as it originally was!
The other night, as the kids and I walked into the door after a long day of school and work, I immediately went into bedtime routine. It was nearly 8 P.M. already, and I hadn't seen them since 8 A.M. I'm not going to lie, life as a single mommy isn't easy for the mom nor the kids. As a mom, I have to sometimes step out of routine and be intentional with my time with my four children. Because, let's be completely honest here, a full-time mom who has a full-time (paying) job also is stretched thin, and can easily get caught up in just getting through the day! I thank God that my children are so graciously forgiving of me. They may not be aware of that, but I am.
This particular night I just missed them. Talking with them. Breathing with them. Sitting still with them. I missed their minds and hearts. So, I directed them to do their bedtime prep with the promise of some devotion time as soon as they're in bed! My kids love devotion time, so nobody was dragging their feet! I was tired, yes, but the LORD refreshed my spirit and renewed my strength because my will was in line with His. After reading devotion, we had discussion time. I do realize they use this time to push the time limits, but it doesn't bother me at all! It's never time wasted when talking about the LORD with your children. Getting to hear their thought processes is a treasure hunt in itself!
Then, bedtime prayers following such discussions are so inspiring and fulfilling! We all said a genuine, out of routine, heartfelt prayer... except my oldest. I, then, reminded him how much he used to love praying and how I love hearing his heart when he prays. I found myself feeling a bit discouraged when he decided not to pray. But then, his confidence and security in who he is and his relationship with the LORD filled me with such a peace! He told me that he does love praying, he just didn't have anything on his heart to pray at that moment. And hearing that made me so proud to know that he doesn't have a religious mindset of God and his relationship with Him. Our relationship with our heavenly Father isn't one of routine, but intentional. And sometimes we just need to rest in Him and soak.
As they were finally ready to go to sleep, my daughter tells me, " You're a good mommy." ever so sweetly. My children constantly speak words of affirmation to me, so naturally. It melts my heart each time and I also take it as whispers from heaven. I know you mommies out there can relate to the times we feel that we're not being good mommies. We are our worst enemies. We see all our failures and blow ups. But their eyes see our love for them and others more than our mistakes.
It's quite interesting, actually... how we can experience God's love for us through our children while, at the same time, we can understand how deeply he longs for our hearts in the way we long for our children's hearts. It truly was a revelation to me!
During a difficult time with my middle son, as he was resisting me and beating himself up with his own words, I experienced such a frustration that fueled my desire to pursue him with a mother's relentless love! The more he pushed, the more I went after him. Because, really, isn't that how we all act when we want someone to prove their love and faithfulness to us? Don't we all push the people we love because we want to know they'll push back? Not to say it's right, but it is indeed human nature. Nobody wants to be loved routinely, lacking passion and joy. That's not love, and we all recognize it. My point is that it was truly in that moment that I realized that if I am so willing to fight for my son and completely drain myself of energy in effort to break through to him to show him I will never leave him and desperately love him, no matter what he does to try to push me away or hurt me, how could I ever even think my God wouldn't do the same for me?!
In conclusion to yet another long post, I want to leave you encouraged. Love your children deeply! Love yourself, too, because they do and your heavenly Father does. Be intentional with the small windows of time you have with them. Teach them well, and understand that God is teaching you through them , too! Receive the gift of grace that is constantly handed to you, and give it, too. Rest. Love deeply. Laugh constantly. This is the life you were called to, so enjoy every moment of it in real time!
Welcome! I'm just a single mommy determined to turn my dreams into a reality for the people I adore! I'm passionate in every way. There's never a dull moment in any day, and I wouldn't have it any other way!...Haha... I KNOW some of you rapped that! See I do things like that ALL the time, unintentionally... Please, enjoy your read... I promise to have you laughing, crying, and inspired !